GOP Dummies Of The Month Club! Nominations, Please! The April Winners Are...
71Even Birthers Have Bad Hair Days!
The GOP Dummies Of The Month...The Winners For The Month Of April!
There must be a book out there somewhere, titled 'GOP For Dummies', so I will refrain from writing a sequel. Instead, let this be the beginning of monthly awards for GOP Dummies of The Month. Much like American Idol, I will accept votes for future GOP Dummies, but for the month of April, the results are in. The prizes for these dummies will range from winning the GOP nomination for President in 2012, all the way to having a place of honor in the history books of our country, right along side our famous slavery-hating founders. There are so many GOP Dummies that it will be very difficult to choose who will get the top honors every month, but I will try my best to narrow it down.
The winner for the month of April is clearly Donald Trump. It may be argued that he is more likely the GOP Clown of the Month, but he has earned top honors in both categories. What a feat! Trump, complete with Aqua Net Firm Hold, has decided that he is a birther. He has hired investigators to travel to Hawaii, where they will uncover the greatest scam ever perpetrated on the people of America. You go, Dummy Donald!
Could Not Help But Cry After Losing To Trump!
The Runner-Up Dummy Award Goes To...
This was close, for sure. So many qualified nominees, but runner-up dummy is very serious. If, for some reason, Trump cannot perform the duties that come with the title, the runner-up GOP dummy will wear the crown. GOP Runner-up Dummy for the month of April is the always loveable, straight from Fox World, Glenn Beck. His proven stupidity and obscene remarks about Planned Parenthood almost won him first place, and if he continues to strive for it, he will certainly have a chance to run away with the title next month. Yes, Glenn, only hookers use Planned Parenthood!
Dishonorable Mention Goes To...
This is about the top five, folks!
- In third place for the GOP Dummy for the month of April, is the sweetheart and pin-up girl of the Tea Party Movement, Michele Bachmann. Have a feeling this simple farm girl (she also won the Miss Farm Subsidy crown!), tax lawyer, lover of history, and religious zealot who is afraid of breast pumps, is always full of life and colorful statements meant to inspire the masses. This legend in her own mind has announced an exploratory committee to find out if she can garner enough support to actually win this title in May.
- Not to be outdone is the fourth place finisher for title of GOP Dummy of the Month. Representative Alan Hale, a freshman TeaPublican legislator from Montana, who so eloquently said that “taverns and bars connect people together” and are “the centers of our communities”. To get to them, said Hale, “you must drive,” and that DUI laws “are destroying a way of life” and should be eliminated.
- In the rear Paul Ryan, the budget cutting, corporate tax slashing, Medicare and Medicaid killing King of the GOP, finishes in fifth place for GOP Dummy for the month of April. Even though his 'bold' and provocative Path to Prosperity is all the rage among the party faithful, it is a plagiarized Path. There is nothing new in the Path. It is the same old and tired platform that the GOP rolls out every year. Yes, he has gussied it up with a new name and erroneous, now redacted graphs from the Heritage Foundation, Ryan could not win the crown. To qualify for title of GOP Dummy of the Month, you must do your own work. It must be original and the Path is anything but...
So Many Dummies, So Little Time!
This is the kick-off to what will be a very competitive monthly contest. You may return to this article, and leave your nominations for future months. You must write a short nominating speech that outlines the qualifications of your favorite dummy. Your nomination and your name will both be credited and printed. Remember, May is almost here. Keep track of what your favorite dummy says during the month of May. Please make your nominations before the end of the month. Also, don't lie. That is reserved for the dummies! All nominee references will be checked...
CommentsLoading...
Thanks, Fay! I had fun with it. There are so many to choose from and they seem to keep trying to outdo each other, so just thought I would give them an award every month. Come back and nominate for May, or let me know vis email.
It seems that the total political arena these days is a rolling comedy show. The sad thing the future of the country will possibly be in the hands of some these people. Great hub, nicely done.
This is a great Idea. I will have to work on a nominating speech for May So many nut jobs, so little time!
Hey Jillian, You're a funny lady,
With so many candidates I don't know how you could choose just one, you may have to divide this award up into categories like the Oscars, Best Hair, Most anti-Women, Most anti-Poor etc.
Funny and Awesome!
Lee
Dear Mquee,
Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. It is a rolling comedy show, but you are right. Sad because it is real!
Dear Terry,
I cannot wait! I fully expect you or Fay to come up with May's GOP Dummy of the Month! You are gonna have a hard time narrowing it down...
Hi, Chef Lee,
Good idea! Gonna have to think about this! I think it could be fun!
Hey, Jillian it seems these guys are useful after all - for their entertainment value. Well done you, for pointing that out. Up and funny. (I'm starting to get familiar with these people thanks to your hubs - not that I should get too familiar.)
Thank you, Amillar,
I hope that none of them become our President, or you will have much more to laugh about as you say, "Crazy Americans!". If that ever happens, I may have to live in the UK...
Very funny Hub Jillian. I love this clown gallery. It makes the GOP prospects for 2012 look bleak indeed. Aww, I feel so sorry for them.... NOT!
Dear HSchneider,
Clown gallery is the appropriate description. I have no pity for these fools. They do provide humor, though! Who knows, eventually they may become a protected class under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act). But until then...
Jillian, I love this hub. I was watching Jon Stewart on the Daily Show the other night when he was talking about Donald Trump's positioning for the Presidential run in 2012. The polls already showed him tied with Mike Huckabee with 12% of the party's support. It is as if half of our population has mad cow disease and has lost their mind. This, to me, is the scariest time politically I can ever remember. The Republican voters seem to have become blind, deaf and mute to what should be common sense.
Thank you for this great article. Funny and Scary!
Up/Awesome
Dear CreatePerfection,
How can one person be so beautiful, so inspiring and so funny, all in one package? You are that and more! Mad cow disease- I am tempted to steal it, but ethics-those damn ethics!
It is scary, but you do have to laugh, just to break the fear cycle-Jon Stewart- think he is probably the funniest man around!
Hey I will steal it! Mad Cow is the best solution I have heard for these weird folks! Perfect! I may write a hub called Mad Cows invade Washington!
I am pretty busy these days though.
Dear Terry,
You are incorrigible!- suggest "GOP Mad Cows Invade Washington! These Cows Produce Tea!"
And the comedy team of Barclay, Hirneisen and Hayes was born.
Write the article, Terry. You know you have to now.
Sounds good to me!
Hi Jillian,
Is there a GOP Dummy of the month for May yet?
You know, since they added the swimsuit contest, it's really helped lower the glass ceiling! Sarah Palin scores points without even opening her mouth! Too bad that every time she does open it she loses all those points ... and more!
But my vote of the month has to go to Rudy Guiliani.
Newt Gingrich has already set the bar on the floor in terms of personal morals, so Rudy's indiscretions won't stand out as anything special.
But he wins my vote because he simply refuses to accept the fact that it's 2011, not 2001. Dude. 9/11 was TEN YEARS AGO. You milked it way longer than anyone thought possible. But when people think about it now (and yes, we still do), your name doesn't even come up! And you know what? America does not want a president whose only national recognition was that closely allied with Bushco.
My second runner up is Tim Pawlenty. For the simple reason that a president called "T Paw" is going wayyyy in the opposite direction of where I think we want to go.
We did folksy and it didn't work out so well. At all.
Dear Mighty Mom,
Actually, am working on the May Dummies now! It is getting harder and harder to narrow it down! Yawnplenty (Pawlenty), Rudy and Newt, along with Pretty Miss Sarah are all in the running for honors this month! Stay tuned! Thank you Mighty Mom for your nominations! I second them all! Also have some not so well knowns that will be receiving honorable mention such as GOP rep from Georgia, Rob (..because it is free..)Woodall. He is one of my favorites!
Fay Paxton 13 months ago
This is sooo funny. In fact, I had to stop reading to finish laughing at that picture of Glenn Beck. What a motley crew the Republicans are. You have framed them perfectly. I have to bookmark this so I can laugh again later on.
up/awesome and too funny